Let the journey be shaped by the curiousity of the child…
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Parenting is one of the thoughest and most responsible jobs in the world at least that is what I have come to belief. A soul chooses you as their parent and you love this little one and guide this little one as best as you can, but in the end there are no guarantees you did it right. No guarantees you offered this little one exactly what it needed. All you can do is give it your best. Our goal is to raise emotionally healthy children and the key to do that, we learned, is attunement.
Attunement: to make your child aware of what is going on in his mind and body, by putting yourself in your child’s shoes and than meeting their needs with the wisdom of a parent.
Being a parent to four boys we have a lot of noise in our house. Boys are physical, they use their whole body for learning. Our two year old currently goes through an emotional stage where he often feels sad and he is trying to find words for what he is going through. We have a children’s version of GROK cards and he loves those.
So often he asks for it to help him tell me what is going on in his head and in his body. We lay out the feelings cards and he picks out the card with shows the feeling that he is feeling. There are also needs cards. They answer the question: “what is the need behind this feeling, what do you need?” After his feeling(s) are clear I ask him what he needs and he will go through the needs cards. After this excersize he always feels much calmer. He is seen in his feelings and his needs are met.
Sometimes we don’t have the cards with us when something happens. Than it is solely up to us as parents to help them. To breath and to attune to their feelings.
For example, one of my boys picked up a car that my other boy was playing with and this had upset him. What is going on? What I do is describe what I see. “I see you were playing with a couple of cars and now your brother has one, I see you have tears in your eyes and I hear you screaming. Your hands are hitting the table, you seem very upset. How can I help you, what do you need?” Meanwhile I hold his arm with my hands, if he lets me. While I am saying this my boy is agreeing, “yes, this is going on.” He is upset and wants his car back.
What I love about this type of communication is that you look at feelings and needs. And try to understand eachothers feelings and needs.
Photo from Grok The World
We also have the adult Grok cards, which we as parents use. It is great to deepen and strenghten your relationship.
From now till Friday December 9, 2016 there is a Holiday Celebration going on at
Grok The World, you’ll get a 20% discount on all the products.