The Art of Home Education – * – Invision Education

Let the journey be shaped by the curiousity of the child…

The World in my Head

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The last year has been quite eventful . We traveled a lot, Miniman was born, I had two accidents (1, 2) and we have gotten a three month visit from Maxigirl. I wrote before about this bumpy road and actually how much judgement I have for myself.

Homeschooling is getting less and less fun and more of a chore. I feel like I am not doing enough, I feel not good enough to homeschool my boys. Ouch! That thought hurts, a lot.

The last couple of months there has been a lot of tension between me and Maximan. We both don’t want to quit homeschooling and at the same time it feels like we’re not getting anywhere. It feels like our communication is off.

If we want the same thing, why doesn’t it feel right? Why do we experience so much frustration? Where is our flow? Where is our connection?

And for the first time I am considering school as an option for my boy and it makes me feel awful. It feels like I am failing my kid. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. I was supposed to do this. It feels like I am giving up or backing out. How it doesn’t make me feel is good about myself.

I had a dream. Providing my kids with the education they need. It feels like when it gets tough, I am bailing. Which I don’t want too. And is not my intention.

Do you see how my mind works?

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Apparently, homeschooling my boys is really important to me and if I would stop homeschooling I am feeling not worthy. And I want the best for my kids. It feels like I am stuck in this loop.

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I think what I am afraid of is, when I put Maximan in school, he will feel rejected, ignored and discarded. He does not want to go to school. It feels like we weren’t able to figure it out, to make it work, and I am sending him away.
This goes against everything I believe in. Making a choice for him instead of making it together.

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And at the same time I do believe he would benefit from this particular school. Where he is still able to follow his interests and learn at his own pace. It is like what we have at home.

As you can tell, I have a lot to think about.

It feels like a relationship. It has good and bad moments, but what is the right thing to do? We both know what we want, continue with homeschooling. Will that be enough to make it successful?

Right now it feels like “giving up” is not the option. I feel like Maximan and I should have another try and see if we can make it work. The toughest thing that might happen is that we discover (again) that this “relationship” is dead for now and we have to move on.

To be continued…

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5 comments on “The World in my Head

  1. Josh Moll
    January 28, 2015

    Hugs! It is very difficult sometimes, this homeschoolthing.

    • The Art of Home Education
      January 28, 2015

      Thank you. It is! We both now what we want. But I’m too tired and therefore impatient. It makes it really hard.

      • Josh Moll
        January 29, 2015

        Could you slow down? Let him do more for himself. Just be there and connect?

      • The Art of Home Education
        January 29, 2015

        Met drie kindjes is het gewoon erg veel. πŸ˜“ Hij kan zich uren bezig houden op de ipad, maar dat wil ik juist niet.

  2. Michelle T Jones
    February 14, 2015

    As someone who has been pushed into home schooling my child due to the school reducing hours within the school environment, I feel your pain. Even though I am a qualified education supporter and a disability worker, I find it so draining and emotional. I am constantly questioning myself about my emotional attachments with my son and if I am doing a good enough job.

    Josh Moll is right, “Could you slow down? Let him do more for himself. Just be there and connect?”

    As a parent it is hard not to do, rather than let our child do them selves. We don’t want them to fail, we don’t want them to become upset, we don’t want them to think we don’t care, we don’t want them to think we don’t know what we are doing and we don’t want them to feel like we are not supportive.

    My son is 12 and I have been seeking help for him since he was half way through prep. All services we have sort help from either don’t see the issues as an issue or just don’t know what to do so they have ‘acted’ like they are doing stuff but in actual fact nothing has happened or changed. My son displays very challenging behaviours in all settings – school, home, supermarket, community events etc… Never been able to get anyone to sort out what assessments should be or need to have done.

    Now we are 8.45am to 11am in a primary school then home. Having to keep on the schools back to keep the school work coming once he is at home which is a full time job in its self.

    I know I am doing all I can for him yet as I question myself, monitor and assess all I say and do to make sure I am doing the best I possibly can do it does strain our relationship as I tread the very fine line between mum and home school teacher.

    As a parent we always question our abilities, actions and reactions with, to and for our children.

    Anyone who takes on the challenges of home schooling, I see you as someone to be admired and someone to look up to.

    You are strong even though you done feel you are.

    You are worthy, passionate, caring and you should be proud of what you are doing and who you are.

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